I left off sharing that my offer on a condo had been accepted. It seemed so mysterious why God would allow that after I had signed the lease. Then everything about this condo turned out to be a lot of back and forth, rigamarole, and wearisome decisions that this stressed out and hormonal chick had to deal with. The home inspection proved to be very insightful. I found out that my water heater and electric panel are located in the garage belonging to another unit. The condo is sitting on top of three garages. One is mine and the other two belong to the two ground level units next to me. The garage that contains my water heater and electric panel was deeded to the wrong unit. The garages need to be switched and deeded correctly. This is a huge legal issue and it did not look like it would be complete before closing. However, another issue came up during the inspection. My siding, my siding is in bad shape and the estimate of what the repairs would cost was 25,000. Yikes! I showed the inspection report to my parents and they were concerned. Between the legal issue of the deed and the issues with the siding, they advised me to back out of the offer. I expressed this to my realtor. She asked if the seller would take care of the siding before closing and pursued fixing the deed. The seller would not and when asked she asked the HOA rep for the email from the lawyer about the deed, they did not have it. Then I read in the HOA rules that they did not allow partial renters, only renters of the entire unit. So, I could not have a roommate who paid me rent. That was a deal breaker. I wanted to back out. I signed the papers to do so. However, my realtor did not submit them that night. The next day she found out that I could, in fact, have a renter as a roommate and she got the email from the lawyer regarding the deed. We discussed asking if the seller would come down 20,000 and pay the closing cost to compensate for what I would need to pay in repairs. Everything else seemed to be lining up. The updates on my status of where I was at with this condo was constantly changing, I didn’t get it, I got it, I’m backing out, I’m reconsidering. My realtor asked me to pray about it and we would talk at the end of the day. I was at work talking to her during the 20 minutes I get for planning during the day while I was trying to organize my students’ leveled reader. After school I had a training to attend. She had tried to call me. I finally called her back later that evening while on a walk down a beautiful wooded trail near my new home. I needed to decompress. I was going to go ahead with the big ask of 20,000. The realtor said it was like a 2% chance he would go for it. I was feeling frustrated. The night before I had thought I was done. I had signed the papers but here we were continuing to try and make it work with this condo. I had until 6:00 to submit my new offer. It was 5:30. I appreciated all the extra work that she did to get documentation about a renter and the changing of the deed but when all was said and done I would still have that troubled siding. I could not do it. Even though the seller most likely wouldn’t go for the offer, I didn’t even want to try. I found myself thinking, “I’ll ask and pray that he doesn’t”. But then if I don’t even want him to go for it because I don’t want to be stuck with that siding, then why even ask? I called the realtor. I told her I can’t do it. She was proud of my decision and it was done. I walked away.
Back to the beginning again. Where I do not have plans of moving this summer. Where my parents are not coming with my furniture and to help me install new carpet. Where my dream of having a permanent home of my own instead of the revolving door of temporary living situations, lays dormant again. Where my plans to nail pictures to the walls is replaced with command hooks so that I don’t leave marks on my landlord’s property. I had it. I had a home at my fingertips and I let it go because of bad siding. Maybe I should have tried. Maybe it would have worked out. When will another one come on the market that is within my price range? What if one does come and my next offer is not accepted? It has been two days since I submitted my decline. I was relieved. Now I’m disheartened.
Looking for a home is very similar to looking for a man. In both cases it pays to be picky. It will be something that I will have to live with. It is not like buying a dress at the store. Returning it because it doesn’t “fit” isn’t an option. I’m in these things for the long run. As I wait for a home to come on the market, I think, “It would be nice if I got email notifications when men who met my criteria were available.” Right now I can’t see when my future home will become available nor do I know when a man, my man will come. Then like my condo, there are the hopes of something but it quickly changes after the home inspection. I met a man. It appears that it might be something. But then like the inspection I discover that his electric panel is not in the right place and he is moldy under the siding. I back out of the deal and wonder if I did the right thing. Maybe it would have worked. Why do any of these things have to be if they just have to end in disappointment. I am waiting for the day when my pursuit of a home comes to completion. I am waiting for a man who will stay. My fingers touched it. I thought it was right there before me. I was in that condo. I saw myself living there. I went out with that guy. I imagined what it would be like to meet his family. I hoped that I could take him to Reno to meet mine. I saw us dating seriously and planning a future. Both realities reduced back to dreams. Dreams that once again sink back into their hole to remain dormant again until something stirs their possibility. Possibilities that I have had countless times but end up as another disappointment on my list. I wait and pray. When, God, will my sorrows be my tomorrows and that in which I wait will be my fate? I do not know.