I Gave My Sister Away

I went on a “Solo Moon” after my sister’s wedding. That is what I called it. My sister was off on her honeymoon and I was taking a trip to my favorite place on earth, the place that I made my home, my second home. I was a solo traveler going on a trip to clear my head and to reflect on the changes in my life. Therefore, the name, “Solo Moon” seemed appropriate. My home in Reno is my home through family connections and having grown up there. Reno is the home that made me but the Pacific Northwest is the home that I made. My first trip to Portland OR was in October of 2013. Ever since then I have visited multiple times and lived in Vancouver WA for a little over a year. Naturally, after the wedding that is where I wanted to be.

My sister’s wedding was beautiful. She was so happy. Everything came together nicely, and the guest seemed to fully enjoy it. My mom was calm and enjoyed the wedding (I was not sure that she would being that for the weeks up to the wedding she was a ball of stress). When the DJ arrived she and her husband even commented on how calm everyone seemed. I’m guessing that since they work in the wedding industry, that often, this is not the case. There were elements of the wedding that heightened my awareness of the closeness that my sister and I share and how it is really me who gave her away and not my parents.

My speech was about our relationship and how fiercely close we are. I also needed to inform Jon of the very important holiday that we observe multiple times throughout the year, “Sister Day”! Also, at the wedding along with the traditional dancing that take place such as the first dance and the father-daughter dance, we included a very special sister dance. These moments caused me to feel as though I was losing her and reminded me of how things will be different now that she is married. What hit me hard was the sendoff! As they drove away in his truck that said, “Just Married” across the back window, I was sad. I don’t want her to go. I want to continue living with her, just the two of us. I want it to stay the same, with our sister movie nights and random walks to Walmart because we want to buy hair dye at 10 pm. I want to continue living in our own little musical where we sing at each other as a mode of communication and how we have a habit of always dancing to the end credit music of movies.

I feel out of place. I’m a fish out of water in my home town, living in the house I grew up in. Having gone through a big move and watching my sis get married produces so many emotions. Then I take a trip to a place I absolutely love. I returned from the trip with an increased desire to move back. I need to sit back and evaluate where I am at with this. Is my desire to move back driven by this misplaced feeling that am experiencing or am I called there? Is that where I should be or should I stick this out a little longer and see what God does? With all of these changes and choices I have to make I realize that no matter where I go I am gaining something but giving up on something else. Saying yes to one thing also means saying no to something else as well. What do I want to say no to and yes to? Choices naturally produce sacrifices. What do I want to sacrifice?33720372_1800102323385509_6917607810226192384_n

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