I could not get to sleep last night. It was windy, and the wind was blowing the bush outside my window around. The bush kept scratching the glass of the window. It was driving me nuts. I prayed to God that it would stop. It didn’t. So, in my Wonder Woman nighty I darted outside to break that nasty branch off from the rest of the bush! Finally, relief!
This incident reminded me of the Tuesday after I moved back to Reno. I had not yet started my new job. I was enjoying a day at home unpacking. It was nice to have a slow pace morning. I hadn’t even changed out of my pajamas yet. That is really unlike me. I am usually up hours before to go to the gym. Still sporting my Justice League P. J’s, I went outside to take care of the trash. When I went to go back inside I realized that I was locked out! My keys were inside and my phone was in the kitchen playing the Pandora app. Sometimes things just don’t go the way you want them to. Getting locked out of the house was one of those moments. No problem, I decided to walk to where my sister works (only a couple of miles away). I could get the house key from her and drive it back to her after I got back in. So, off I went. I bet I looked cute in my night gown with Batman, Wonder Woman and Superman on the front of it. I also was wearing slippers, but my adventure got even better when I ran into a guy, that in the past had wanted to date me. I was never interested in him. He looked at me and laughed. Then he asked what I was doing. I simply explained that I was getting the keys from my sister. This was not how I planned my morning. I got the keys and her boss kindly drove me back home.
Currently my life feels like I’m locked outside. I feel stuck. As I am now adjusting to life after my sister’s wedding, it is weird. I live with my parents and my sister is a married woman. I live here when I’d rather be in Washington. I want to be doing something else with my life. I feel like I am wasting the days that I have been given. I feel frustrated. Where is my joy? It’s not fair to fake it. I’m not one to complain. I don’t want to complain about my life. When I really think about it, out of the things that I don’t like are many blessings. Living with my parents isn’t bad. It’s just not what I want. My job isn’t bad. It’s just not what I want. I want God to do something about my life. I want to have joy in all of this. It’s hard. I’m sitting thinking, “Wait! This isn’t what my life was supposed to look like at this point.” Something must be wrong!
There are just times in life that don’t make sense. This is a broken world. We are broken people. Hence, the situations in life that we face are marked with brokenness. That does not mean that joy within them is impossible. I currently can’t say that I’m super joyful about any of this. My favorite word is “Joy!” That is what I am known as, as a joyful person. When people describe me that is a word that is often used. I want to continue to be identified with joy but struggle is real. I don’t want to dismiss it and act like I’m happy with things when I am not. A friend used the word wrestle to describe where she is at. I realized that word fits my plight as well. I have been learning about the value of wrestling with where I’m at. It’s a place where God can teach me and help me through. It’s hard work, but good work. It hopefully will bring maturity in my life. This attitude has brought joy into my struggle.