Does God have the “One” for me?

I love living alone. I love my space. I love having the ability to cook and meal prep without anyone around to wonder why I eat sweet potatoes and ground turkey for breakfast nearly every day. I’m delighted to sit in the back yard and watch the hummer birds hover by the flowers. Another simple pleasure, such as not having to close the door when I am in the bathroom, is a perk to living alone. However, the current state of things with COVID-19 can cause anyone who enjoys living alone to feel isolated. Living alone is great when I have my regular job to go to and a social life but there isn’t much to spice up the week when social distancing has become everyone’s new normal. Also, now the hopes of meeting someone seem to rest solely in the possibility that the Amazon delivery guy is single and serious about Jesus.

I still regret not going for online guy, Nathan, when I had the chance. As I process my feelings about Nathan, I believe part of the struggle I’m having is due to the isolation that I’m in and wishing things were different. Friends of mine try to encourage me with statements like, “If God wanted you to marry him you would have”. I am not so sure that is so. It’s hard to know in this what is God’s sovereignty and what is human responsibility. Nowhere in scripture does he promise that he has the “one” for us. He wants us to be wise and equally yoked but Christians can still end up choosing bad spouses. In my life I could encounter many godly men and any of them could be an honorable choice. If I marry one God could bless that but if I chose a different one that too could also be blessed. I don’t know what to think about Nathan. Did I make a mistake and now the Lord is allowing me to live in the consequences of that mistake? He is getting married. So then, I could think that surely the two of them must have been God’s plan all along and I have to suffer the heartache. God is sovereign and it would be wrong of me to think that there was anything that I could do to mess up his plan. His plan is to bring redemption and restoration to his people and all his created things. In life I’m given choices. I don’t always make the best ones. That doesn’t mess up God’s plan. He uses it. He even knew it would happen. The sovereignty of God is not something that I can even pretend to understand. All of these things are concepts too lofty for the human mind but I am grateful that God is so great. I don’t want a God that is on my level. That would diminish his power.

 I believe God is in control. I know that he can take all the broken places in my life and turn them into something that is redeemed and beautiful. There are many scriptures in the Bible that speak of the future hope we have in Christ. I read those and think eternally. There is hope, God will make things right, and he promises that it will be good. However, in life Christians don’t always get it right. I don’t always get it right! Relationships get broken. The promises of God stand true but I may not see the fulfillment of those promises while I’m still here on earth. I have hope that God will make this right, any mistake I made with Nathan will be fixed. However, that may not happen until Jesus comes back to rule and reign. In the mean time, I’m forgiven and God is good but my choices are still impacting me today. Maybe I’m just afraid that I will not be given another chance or opportunity to meet someone. But two things I can do now, trust and obey. Mulling over in mind the past doesn’t change it. Therefore, I’m left with the choice to move forward in trust and obedience to the Lord. There is hope! As I move forward, I will no longer dwell on what I cannot change but focus on the one who can change me and change my life, my situations, and my future.

I Spent a Week on a Dating App…

I spent one week on a dating app. It was a social experiment. If you know me, you know that I have no interest in online dating. I know people that have used online dating and it worked great. For me, I have made the choice not to use it as an avenue to find love. During my time on the app my intentions were to learn about how people try to sell themselves and maybe learn something about myself. Essentially the first impression from people’s profiles are what moves the other person to either “swipe left” (rejecting them) or “swipe right” (expressing interest). What I liked about the app that I was on, was that the ladies are the ones who initiate and send the first message. Guys can’t send out a message first. I did not want creepers messaging me. I also didn’t really want to talk or meet anyone. My account was purely for science.

It was amazing to me how many men used the same kind of statements in their bios. Most of the men want a “Partner in crime,” “good vibes,” and someone with their “Sh*t together.” So, if I want to commit felonies with a hippie attitude (but I must have my life together), I would make a great option for these men. It also amazed me at how they tried to sell themselves. Maybe I’m just a breed of my own but the top things on my list were not mentioned in their bios. Maybe some girls really want a man who kills spiders. I personally enjoy seeing a spider out in nature (not in the house). Some are beautiful and make stunning webs. And who doesn’t want a man who is good at cracking “dad jokes” and has a great “dad bod”? At least they are honest about how they are built. That is important for some girls to know. However, there was a large number of the men who emphasized that fitness is important to them. I’m all about being healthy and fit but it’s a bit much when a guy states that they want a girl with a “tight light waist.” Thanks for being honest guys!

Most of them also listed their height, which for this Amazon woman, is very important to know. They usually made some kind of comment about why they included it. Which, it usually was due to the fact that they get asked. So, my guess is they updated their bios after being asked a number of times.

Most of them don’t like it when girls use photos with filters such as the filters that add things like bunny ears. I would never choose to use photos like that. I want to look real. They apparently want to see the real deal too but hopefully my waist is tight enough?

After a week I felt that I had compiled enough information. But honestly, I was annoyed, and my eyes were starting to bug me from looking at the quick motion on the screen from constantly swiping left. There were barely any men on that app that I would have been interested in. Actually, the app told me I ran out of people. The men that are shown are based on your location. So, I guess I eliminated all the men in Reno and should move back to Washington. If my science experiment proved anything, it proved that there is no one here for me or that I am just too picky. My plan is just to let God take care of this area of my life. In the mean time I will keep “dating” my running schedule and preparing for the half marathon that I am going to run in a week! My commitment to my running feels like a relationship or another full-time job. If I ever meet a man that I could be interested in, he’ll have to be able to keep up.

I Became Friends With A Homeless Woman…

The other day Facebook reminded me of an event that happened while I was living in Washington. This was one of the craziest things that has ever happened to me. God’s hand in my life and His amazing ability to orchestrate time and space is the only way I can explain this.

I posted on Facebook on July 26, 2017 about how I saw a homeless woman in Vancouver, Washington on my way to work. However, the significance of this woman was I knew her when I was still in Reno. I never thought that I would see her again and yet while driving on 78th street in Vancouver, Washington, I see her on the side of the road with the same bags of luggage that she always carried. I could not believe it! I pulled over and ran to her. She was so startled to see me. I think that she must have thought that I was stalking her. She asked me what I was doing here. I asked her the same. The answer was the same, we both had moved. However, the reasons why and how were different. I was finishing school, living as a live-in nanny, and working. She hitched hiked, took the bus and ended up there. Of all the places that she could have ended up, she lands in the same corner of the world that I was residing in.

Let me further explain my history with this woman. My heart for the homeless has not been as tender as it is now. A big shift in my feelings took place after taking a class on the prophets while I was in Bible College. I realized more than before that God has a heart for the oppressed and outcast of society. My heart became sensitive to the homeless people I saw on the side of road. On my route to and from home, I consistently would see the same homeless woman standing at the intersection with a sign asking for help. Not being content with just giving her a hand out and wanting her to know that she is valuable because she is created by God, I stopped to talk to her. I approached her and asked if she was hungry and wanted to go to the Taco Bell that was right there. She stared at me. At first, I thought maybe she couldn’t speak. She probably was stunned by the offer? She asked me why I wanted to spend time with her. I told her that I believe that she is created by God and therefore should be treated with dignity and that I wanted to get to know her because I love her. With that, she agreed to dinner but only if I was hungry (I wasn’t but didn’t want to miss this opportunity. So, I lied and said I was.) Our time at Taco Bell was educational for me and moved my heart to care more for the homeless. I learned about her life, the events that lead to her becoming homeless and what it is like to be homeless. My heart broke over the stories she shared. Especially, about how she is treated now. People spit at her, call her names, and steel her stuff while she sleeps. She buys body spray at the Dollar Store because she doesn’t want to stink. I didn’t know that a homeless person would care about that. I was wrong. She is human and wants to gain some dignity for herself by not smelling.

After our first Taco Bell date it became a thing. Every Monday and Wednesday at 6 pm I would meet her at the intersection for dinner. I loved it. I loved her. One day, she stopped showing up. It broke my heart. For a while it discouraged me from trying to reach out to the homeless community. Why? You love them, and they leave. However, we are called to love whether it is returned or whether we think it is deserved. God gave me the gift of seeing her again on that beautiful Summer day as I drove to work 600 miles away from where I first met her. To me this seems impossible that we were to ever cross paths again. But God moved!

As I am in this place in my life, where I am sorting things out and trying to figure out where I belong, I am encouraged by this. God has me right where he wants me for a greater purpose than I can see or understand. He is moving in my life and I will be in the place that he calls me to at the time that he wants me there. That may be here, and in the future, it may be Washington. I’m hoping for the later. In the mean time I will continue to wait. There are moving parts that haven’t settled yet and questions unanswered. There are hurting and oppressed people who need love. While I am not always content with where I am currently at in my life, I’m blessed with a home, friends, family, daily food, and more than I deserve. I have received more love from God, far from what I deserve. Hopefully, I’m sharing that same kind of unconditional love to all wherever I’m at.